Thursday, May 15, 2008

We are constantly chasing something down. What is it that we must constantly look for? For most it is something greater than our present experience of ourselves. We can see it in almost everything that is done by the human race. Have a look at religion. Why do people strive to to become "better" people? Whatever it is that people are chasing, it is all the same thing whether or not we admit it to ourselves. People go to church to experience a better feeling. It feels good to get high on Jesus. People get drunk or consume drugs, either illicit or prescription, to experience themselves as high. The present experience of themselves is not enough. The same can be said for anything. Sport of any kind is all about achieving a higher standard; becoming higher or greater than we once were. Feeling better about ourselves because we have accomplished something is the common theme among anything that we have chosen to pursue in our lives.Relationships, cars, sex, watching movies, exercising, studying and learning. It is all still just the same thing. We have no sense of who we are, so we must constantly find something greater than what we currently experience as ourselves.Me for example in my current process often feel like I must figure out a way that I can communicate my latest realisations to other people. To help them in their own lives. Often this is done for the same reason that people volunteer to help people in third world countries. It makes us feel like we have purpose, or have some worth. It makes us feel important, like we are more than the drunk idiot that used to waste his life away in a bottle. But is it truly any different? Can we not see that it is really just the same. It is all for ourselves, to make us feel better.Can we not see that we, as who we are, is an infinite expression? That no matter what we do, we are still the essence of life within and that this is an infinte expression. We are infinite within finiteness. We believe that we can make our lives better by spreading peace and love. But a world of love and peace can never exist as long as there is anything within us besides who we are as one and equal with the entirety of existence. This is the expression of life. Anything else is just a mechanism that we have come to believe as ourselves. The thoughts, feelings and emotions that we let direct our lives is the embodiment of slavery. We are only the self honesty that exists within us. Being this self honesty within each moment IS the expression of life. Anything besides this self honesty is deception and exists in our willingness to participate in the thoughts, feelings and emotions by letting these manifestations direct us within our lives.
Seeing the stubborness and obstacles that people cannot let go of in their lives is something that I have let myself become impatient with. I have become annoyed at people for not just being honest with themselves and with me. But if I were to honestly look at the situation, I would realise that it is I that choose to become annoyed and in choosing to become annoyed, I only perpetuate the dishonesty within themselves. This originates from a desire to catch someone in the act of being dishonest. To prove that I am more superior because "I'm more self honest than you" mentality. People enjoy feeling intelligent, and often when someone has realised something about themselves, it is their intellect that gets the credit for the realisation. Feeling good about themselves because they are so smart type of thing. Often I have been there to only be impatient with their ramblings on about their intellect. Once again, my impatience and resistance toward this only allows the situation to exist and continue as existing within this world. It is so easy to fall into the trap of feeling like "I did it before you" or "I got here first" or "I'm so far ahead of you". If honestly looked at I can see that it is the allowance of my own desire to feel superior to everyone. The wanting to be god that has kept this world existing as I have allowed it to exist. Yes, the wanting to be god separates me from all of that in which I am one and equal to. Oftentimes, also I have felt contempt for someone in honestly expresing myself. For example, if I had said something like "I have been so concerned about what other people think about me", and the person I am talking to says, "I don't care about what anybody thinks about me". It is plain to see that this is nothing but their ego talking, and instead of me just realising that it is what they have allowed theirselves to believe and being one within the situation, I have let the anger that exists within to direct me in the situation. Or maybe even the ego that exists and to myself say "hmmph, yeah right. I'm so much higher than you. I'm a realised being and you're not." It might not all make sense, but it doesn't have to. Self-honesty in and within every moment is who I am. It IS self realisation. It IS the expression of life as all as one as equal.

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