Friday, September 26, 2008
Monday, September 22, 2008
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Family and friends continue to come up as points that need transcended. Yet I know that I will not be accepted as anything but who they think I am as based upon past images that they have of me. It is understood that we hold onto past events, and relive these moments in our minds in an attempt at defining the world and people of this world. It is to define ourselves as a concept or idea so that we may feel as if we understand something of ourselves. We look at the actions of other beings to define the why of their actions. It is nothing but an effort to explain our own existence here. We believe that knowing why a person does something will help us explain ourselves. Yet when something or someone cannot be defined, our mind jumps to conclusions so that we feel comforted that we still understand something of this existence. It is generally not accepted that everything cannot be explained and defined. Often when beings fail to make sense of something, they will follow an idea of the mind and tell themselves that they understand so that the world in which they have believed in, may still exist as they have believed. Otherwise, the alternative would be to admit that they actually know nothing of this existence. This brings points of fear to the forefront, which is generally avoided at all costs. It is self as self exists here that so many of us have feared seeing. So instead we have listened to the mind's definition of self, not actually seeing self, but choosing deception and illusion so that we may feel in control.
It is only when one is willing to see self here as all that self exists as here that one may see self. In seeing self within and as self honesty, one sees also the existence of all things as they exist here. Not just a mere fabrication of the mind, but seeing as things actually exist here. Each must do this of themselves. It is dedication to self, to no longer base understanding upon past knowledge, but a willingness to see what actually is. It is without judgment, or definitions. Only seeing what is here. There is no need to explain or make sense of it. It is simply accepted as what is here.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
The egomaniacal image of self that has existed as me, has fooled me of my own accord. I have allowed this to continue because I have believed that I will somehow become greater than me. It is the logic of greed within that I will somehow have gained something for nothing. Yet the price of this is nothing short of discardment of my entire self in return for a fading existence. To exist as unstability and unsubstantiality. To hide beneath mountains of images and desires until self is longer aware that self even exists, but as smoke and mirrors. It is only to stand as self here in every moment within self honesty and self forgiveness of what one sees. It is to remain here as self that allows uncompromising honor unto self to exist here as one and equal to the self honest expression of existence as self.
Monday, September 1, 2008
The portal has closed today, and I wondered at the difficulty for me ahead. Yet I know it is in remaining here that will see me through whatever should confront me. It is these ideas that I am giving something of worth up for a life of hardship and sacrafice. The sex system in particular lingers within me, just waiting for a moment that I will yield to the power I have allowed to control the movement of myself. The desire to be in a relationship confronted me earlier today. All the things that still exist within, continue to approach me with ideas of something better. To face each and every one of these points within is inevitable for each of us to face until only self remains. To wish that I didn't have to face the things that I have allowed to exist within is an absolute waste of life here. As I know it is within facing these things that I am able to realise myself as self trust. This is the only way. I have allowed it, and now it is time to face all that I have become. To forgive myself for allowing such things to exist within and as myself. Forgiving those that are so lost in their own self deception is also a way in which I may stand as myself as one and equal to existence. There is a self righteousness within that jumps up every so often that I have chosen to exist within and as judgment of the existence that they have chosen to be one and equal to. This is all tied to comparing myself to others. The desire within to be greater than everybody, which is nothing short of the desire to be the owner and master of existence. The desire to be worshipped and praised and loved and desired. These desires have been the design of my enslavement by my own choice in allowing these desires to exist within. By nurturing them until they have become one and equal with myself. So it is through self forgiveness that I may release myself from the desires that I have protected as myself. The very thing I have defended so dearly, has been the enslavement that I have chosen to allow.
Feeling tired and bored of the things that I do only distracts from who is here. It is here that life is. Seeing others continue to protect the images and ideas that they have defined as self has indeed turned me into a frustrated being. Also, another distraction of who I am here. It is here that I live. It is I that lives here. It is I that exist as I choose the being that exists here. The choice is self honesty here or all of the myriads of ways of being that exist in so many faces of self deception. One choice. Self honesty. It is either awareness of the self honesty that exists as I exist here or there is no self awareness, but only deception of self by allowance of something other than self as self honest awareness of self.