No more private forum...It is strange, although I enjoy visiting the site, for me to rush and try to get back on doesn't do much for remaining here. As if a support leg has been kicked out from under me, there is a tendency to gain back the leg that I have apparently lost. Where I go from here, I haven't really a clue. Rushing back to desteni isn't necessarily the thing that will support who I am one and equal. Yet running the other way isn't either. So when and if I ever qualify to be on private forum is an unknown. To realise that I am completely alone in my own process is a bittersweet realisation. I can't help but laugh at myself. There is such contradiction within. This simultaneous feeling of rejoice and regret that campaigns for my awareness. To get me to make a move from either point, which of course both lead me to where I already am.