Monday, September 1, 2008

The many things to be transcended are to be transcended here. It is in taking this moment and living here as this moment takes place. The ideas of so many points to face and so far to go continue to attempt to discourage me to just give up because of a mountain of an idea that is to be faced. Things appear unmanageable if seen as a mountain. Yet this moment here can be dealt with here as who I am in this moment within and as self forgiveness and acceptance that it is I that have allowed myself to become this attrocity through my own participation within and as polarity. Allowing myself to be moved by ideas of moving toward something better or away from something that I have been in fear of becoming or some desparate attempt at convincing myself that I am different than who I have allowed myself to be.

The portal has closed today, and I wondered at the difficulty for me ahead. Yet I know it is in remaining here that will see me through whatever should confront me. It is these ideas that I am giving something of worth up for a life of hardship and sacrafice. The sex system in particular lingers within me, just waiting for a moment that I will yield to the power I have allowed to control the movement of myself. The desire to be in a relationship confronted me earlier today. All the things that still exist within, continue to approach me with ideas of something better. To face each and every one of these points within is inevitable for each of us to face until only self remains. To wish that I didn't have to face the things that I have allowed to exist within is an absolute waste of life here. As I know it is within facing these things that I am able to realise myself as self trust. This is the only way. I have allowed it, and now it is time to face all that I have become. To forgive myself for allowing such things to exist within and as myself. Forgiving those that are so lost in their own self deception is also a way in which I may stand as myself as one and equal to existence. There is a self righteousness within that jumps up every so often that I have chosen to exist within and as judgment of the existence that they have chosen to be one and equal to. This is all tied to comparing myself to others. The desire within to be greater than everybody, which is nothing short of the desire to be the owner and master of existence. The desire to be worshipped and praised and loved and desired. These desires have been the design of my enslavement by my own choice in allowing these desires to exist within. By nurturing them until they have become one and equal with myself. So it is through self forgiveness that I may release myself from the desires that I have protected as myself. The very thing I have defended so dearly, has been the enslavement that I have chosen to allow.

Feeling tired and bored of the things that I do only distracts from who is here. It is here that life is. Seeing others continue to protect the images and ideas that they have defined as self has indeed turned me into a frustrated being. Also, another distraction of who I am here. It is here that I live. It is I that lives here. It is I that exist as I choose the being that exists here. The choice is self honesty here or all of the myriads of ways of being that exist in so many faces of self deception. One choice. Self honesty. It is either awareness of the self honesty that exists as I exist here or there is no self awareness, but only deception of self by allowance of something other than self as self honest awareness of self.

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