Monday, May 5, 2008

Just being here. Being the moment itself. Often I engage the mind, by partcipating with the mind. Believing that if I just listen to this teeny weeny thought, then I will be more secure in what I must do. I somehow believe that the mind is like a safety net of some sort. That just being here is structureless and that there is no security in something with no plan of some sort. My mind tells me that I must have a direction in mind before just let go and be. The mind tells me that if I were to just be here, with no thought of which way to go, then there is a danger of going the wrong way. That I might just go down the wrong path and end up bringing about a world that I might not like. I let it tell me that to totally let go could mean my destruction and I believe this to be true because I haven't been able to let go of the fear that keeps me tethered. Like I will just be floating...lost in space, with no way to return. So I get ideas in my head about the things that I want ot see happen in my life and do my best to get others to follow so that I won't be alone in this process. So that I will be supported just in case I fall. To get people going in their own process so that somehow I can rely on them to save me.
Then there is the other extreme that also engages the mind. This is when I feel that I must forsake the world and all of the people within my world to find myself. Believing that I can't find myself as long as these people are in my life. That if I were to be away from everybody that doesn't agree with me then the obstacles that keep me from being me would be less, and that it would be easier to realise me. The mind continously tells me that it can't be as easy as just being here. I'm already here and I don't feel any different, and I don't have any more understanding about the cosmos than I did before. So I believe that I still must be misssing something.
It is only my own acceptance of the mind's ideas that keep me bound. My own acceptance that there must be something greater. Some higher understanding that I still need to attain. It is my own acceptance that I haven't gotten where I need to be that keeps me searching. The ideas of the mind, of enlightenment, or a higher truth, or some ethereal experience that I have allowed to direct me. It is just way to simple. The mind cannot remain as simplicity. The mind cannot exist if I am only here. This is all I have failed to realise. I have believed that the mind must exist for me to exist. I am only the expression of who I am in this moment. Everything is already included. Breathe.

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