Friday, April 18, 2008

So I was just getting compliments on how great of guitar player I am. Honestly I just wanted to say "shut the fuck up, stop with the compliments". But instead I just grinned and tried to change the subject so as not to appear like an asshole and I guess I also wanted to hear what Dave thought of me. I have been so concerned with proving to the world that I'm a nice guy. I'm quite sure the majority of those who "know" me would say that I'm a nice guy. But this does nothing for supporting the expression of who I am as all as one, but only gives the illusion to the world that this is what I enjoy. So based on this illusion, I allowed Dave to believe that I was okay with this. Only suppoting illusion further. I was just so concerned about hurting his feelings, which in itself is also illusion. The truth often "hurts" but apparently I was too chicken shit to stand up as all as one as equal.
So just a "itsy bitsy" compromise that seemingly would have little effect on the overall situation, in actuality reaches around the world until it again presents me with the same problem, but the next time I have to face this little ripple of deception, it will have grown to menacing proportions.
Okay self. you fucked up this time, but I forgive you for allowing what seemed like such a trivial thing to compromise honest expression of who you are and in doing so also participated in prolonging the honest expression of all as one as who we are in equality. There is no need to hide the expression of who I am to "protect" other people's feelings. As feelings are of illusion and mind consciousness systems, and not who we really are. To take it a step further, feelings are there to fuck us any way they can, so caring for feelings is just supporting the continued existence of feelings within humanity. So fuck the systems! Support us as who we are, not the destruction of us all. How true that it's in the small things we do that make a difference. This is not the small matter that at first it appears to be, but rather, the ultimate deception of mankind. Whew!!! Beware me. We'll get there, but let's be a little more persistant, eh?
Also I forgive myself for allowing Dave to continue in his thoughts of who I am as his mind consciousness system only to satisfy my own curiosity of the awe he has for me as something I do, which only facilitates me in buying into the idea that I am what I do or have accomplished.
I am astounded at the level of deception this "small allowance" has infiltrateed us.

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