So i just had a realisation while I was in the shower about "arriving" at self realisation, in that if one all of a sudden one believes that he has arrived and actions are based on having arrived. The starting point would be of past knowledge which is in fact another mind fuck or time loop. So in this realisation the starting point of every moment begins with self honesty. No knowledge, no mind. Even if it is "truth". There exists no knowledge only self honesty in every moment.
Another thing I've realised is that I've been really making sure that the things I put in my blogs are "true". As if to give an impression that I'm worthy to be in the presence of a certain group of so called "enlightened ones" as the mind's construct of what desteni represents. Interesting.
I got incredibly drunk the other night at Dave's although I didn't really feel all that drunk. But I drank lots of wine and beer and I found that while we were jamming, I would find myself wanting to be the star of the jam session. When I realised I was going for this identity, I started instead playing what the music "wanted" played, and this turned the whole session into a different animal altogether. This just illustrated to me what "all as one as equal" means. Of course this dynamic still had the other band members "feeling it", and they would find themselves all trying to be the star at that point, because of course it seemed like an incredible jam. So quite naturally they'd let their emotions carry themselves away. But I also realised that drinking and smoking pot only keeps me from the self honesty that is me. So practice in refraining from the drink and smoke will be the near future. And in this, I can see some of the possible consequences. Much, much less in common with most of my "friends". But it's long overdue, as I've realised there hasn't been much in common except for beer drinking for some time now, anyway.