Beliefs are barriers. Everyone with a belief, thinks their belief is the real truth. Beliefs have nothing to do with what is absolute. But rather all about a decision to live within a certain set of rules and remain within these cycles endlessly. Within this belief system there is not any avenue available to go beyond the barriers within that belief system. It is a closed loop, and remains so for as long as one continues to live through and as the belief system adopted. The belief system does not include seeing itself, because it is placed to maintain and upgrade itself to remain within and as the being that has lived through and as the belief.

As realisations are made, to allow these realisations to pass without hanging onto them in an attempt at turning the realisation into knowledge can be a real challenge. It is a fresh moment here that is real. Who one is within this moment is the only matter. Self trust is never called upon by hanging onto knowledge. It is fear of the future that causes us to listen to the mind's logic and go back to a past realisation of ourselves and bring that knowledge to the present. This strips us of any realisation of ourselves here. Because in bringing forth a memory to deal with this new moment, we choose "security" of the past, which is based upon fear of the future and lack of self trust here.

It is remaining here that exercises our self trust, and the only way that self trust can ever be realised as that in which we are. All other practices keep us enslaved to our minds. What we have defined as "security" is the post to which we have kept ourselves tethered; because we have believed that something other than self is required to remain here. Enslavement has become our security because we have no self trust that without being tethered to some belief, that we would have no basis and would lose ourselves.


The resistance that exists to simply remaining here within awareness of breath is lack of self trust. Because we want reassurance that we are living "correctly." This summons the mind to step in and take control. It is the belief that if we could first consult the reasoning mind to gauge ourselves to be absolutely sure that we can just breathe without any unseen consequences, then it would finally be okay to do so. Of course, this is practice in self suppression, since self is not the starting point of this situation, but self-distrust instead is called upon to be the director.

To remain here as the self honest expression of who I am, I am bombarded with thoughts and distractions. Security presents itself as of utmost importance. The fear that if I don't think and don't make sure that I am doing and being the "right" thing is at the forefront, and presents me with security "problems". This figuring and deciphering myself has been so thoroughly placed as myself, that I often engage in this habit without even being aware that I am supporting myself to exist as and through ideas of myself.

I am not an idea. I am here as the physical manifestation and expression that I have become. To be aware of myself here transcends definition. I am the physically manifested statement that I have allowed myself to become. It is within the parameters of my own beliefs that I have become so extremely limited by the beliefs onto which I hold.

It is within remaining here without defining myself or the experience within the experience. I am merely here. That includes everything and I become awareness of what is here.

I am faced with programming my mind to self honesty. How is this done? My thoughts are beliefs that I have of the world, and these beliefs are what bind me to the experience that I have of myself.They limit me to the belief system that I have placed within. Therefore nothing but the belief system and the consequences of that belief system in which I participate can ever manifest here.



The world today exists as it does, because we have made it so, through our own interpretation of reality. It is the experience of myself here that is the origin of creation. If I believe something to be true, then I have already made it so through my own belief. It is the limitation that I have placed upon myself. To discard my beliefs is to discard limitation.



It is to remain here without conclusions or interpretations of what is here. The experience itself is already absolute, with no need for understanding. Understanding takes place during the experience of oneself experiencing self here without explanation.



From a baby, we knew no limitation. But to connect with the human beings in this world, we were forced to comply with the views and beliefs that had been chosen by those that had gone before us. They had chosen to live within a set of beliefs and parameters, and have called it reality. We were taught to believe as they do, and to limit our experience to that in which they have believed to be absolute, but as it turns out, it is accepted self-inflicted limitation.



If I am to feel anxious then that is my own acceptance of myself to exist as such. I am why. I am the cause of my experience. Interpretting what is seen only limits what is seen to exist as an explanation of what is seen. I feel anxious because I allow myself to feel anxious. To look for reasons as to why I feel anxious is to disregard myself here, and seeks out comfort in reason.

The physical is absolute. It exists here. Who I exist as physically here is absolute and cannot be questioned. It is the I am. Within awareness of I am, illusion does not exist. It is an absolute statement of hereness with no room for interpretation, judgments or opinions.

Living as the self honest expression of self as oneness and equality is each and everyones' responsibility to themselves in being self honest. It is either through standing as oneness and equality here, or in manifesting self as the the dishonesties that one has decided to live within and as in order to see the consequences of self dishonesty upon existence. We have not stood as oneness and equality because we have hidden ourselves from the consequences that we create as self dishonesty. It has not affected us directly enough for us to actually care about the dishonesties we continue to live within and as. So we continue to choose our desires over oneness and equality.

Within choosing self dishonesty, we manifest ourselves as the suffering of the world, so that we may see for ourselves that our desires are manifested as self abuse. Until we have abused ourselves and have suffered extensively enough from the self abuse that we have chosen to create as ourselves, do we finally see. It is when we have had enough self abuse that we will finally say no more do I accept myself as self abuse, and a stand for and as oneness and equality becomes inevitable.

It is our own choice here that decides which path will be taken. Do we choose oneness and equality here, or do we choose to manifest self abuse until we finally see?

These ideas that we get from the mind are nothing but something we have allowed as our own beliefs to exist. It limits us to that in which we believe. If we believe we are too weak, then we manifest ourselves as "too weak". If we believe ourselves to be not able to stand, then that is manifested as ourselves. If we believe the mind is too powerful for us to stop it, it is because we have allowed that belief to exist.

It is common sense to see that when we believe in something, it places us within a condition that the mind has set up for us to live within and as. As an example I will use the example of the belief of being in a hole:

I am in a hole and need to find a way out: this is the belief system that has been set up.

There are various ideas on how to get out of this hole, and it has been said by many people before us that we must find a way to get out. There are stories of many people getting close. And even I, myself have felt very close to the rim, only to end up falling just I had reached what I had believed was the highest I had ever gotten.
But all of this attainment is nothing but an idea of elevation gain. By what others have told us and our experience of, when we get close to the rim, an overall sense of well being, which as it turns out is also just an idea of what we believe well being is.

All the while we have not realised that our idea that there is a way out is just an illusion and a belief that has been passed down from generation to generation.
The reality is that it appears as if there is a way out, but we have never considered that there is no way out and that it is not even a hole to begin with, but rather a cone that stretches into infinity, with one possible outcome. Which is, of course, that there is no way out, and what we have believed and based our enitre existence upon is an idea of freedom from that in which there is no possibility for escape, and we are stuck here.

I have continued to stab myself in the back, because I haven't not lived as the torture of myself to satisfy the mind that has taken great pleasure in my perception of agony. I have not stood up because I have not raped myself enough to satisy the empty hole that I have allowed myself to become. I have not given a flying fuck about anything or anybody but my own perception of myself. To exist as greater than all of existence has held my attention and my every move has been from this starting point. No, my life has not been of oneness and equality, no not an iota of oneness and equality has ever even been considered, because I have held onto my own self importance over all of existence.
So I declare here that yes, I have had enough. We have suffered enough because of my self promoting agenda. No, I am not sorry. I do not accept myself as being sorry. I do not accept myself as self preservation. I do not accept myself as a raping, plundering back stabbing manifestion within this world. I stand here for oneness and equality. I am not happy. I am not sad. I do not accept myself as happy or sad because neither stand as oneness and equality. I do not accept myself as anything that cannot stand as oneness and equality. I do not accept others to accept me, other than from the starting point of oneness and equality.
Tall words, and absolutely meaningless without application. I do not accept myself as hoping that I can live up to the words I speak because hoping is not of oneness and equality and from a starting point of saving face and cowardice. Yes, tall words I speak indeed.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand up when I have been able to stand as oneness and equality all along.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as believing that it is too fucking hard to stand for oneness and equality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as not dedicating myself to myself as oneness and equality.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to wait to stand until conditions were just right for me to stand.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore and not take responsibility for the suffering of the world that I myself have allowed and accepted as just the way it is.
I forgive myself that I have accepted myself as needing others to stand as oneness and equality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted myself as making any excuse available to delay standing for and as oneness and equality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must be strong.
Strong is not of oneness and equality, but a manifestation of polarity.
I forgive myself that I have accepted myself as being "serious" about standing up this time.
Serious is a definition of myself and is of polarity.
I stand here as myself as oneness and equality for oneness and equality.
I am no greater or less than anything or anyone in existence. I am existence as oneness and equality.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe I need advice as how I can stand for oneness and equality.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to seek being ahead or on top of process.
I forgive myself that I have not realised that process means the process of all beings and not about the process of an individual.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to desire to look down upon individuals that do not understand process.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look up to individuals as being "ahead" in process.
I forgive myself that I have judged myself as an individual being and have believed myself to be separate from anything.
There is one, and that one is me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to be concerned with talking shit, so have kept quiet so I that I could remain a "man of my word."
I forgive myself that I have carefully chosen the words I speak so that I could appear as a "man of my word."
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become an image of reality.Ii forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear being corrected by another.
I forgive myself that I have accepted myself as allowing another as something other than oneness and equality, so as not to disturb their happy little illusion.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that bliss is of oneness and equality.
If we are one, how can bliss exist in this attrocity we have created?
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can exist outside the suffering of the world.
I forgive myself that I have not realised that I am the suffering of the world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted myself to look for a way out of this suffering so that I may live oblivious to the suffering of the world.
I am the world and the world is me and we suffer together as long as any suffer.

Standing as all as one as equal. What will it take for me to do stand? The hour is 12:00 and this preprogrammed existence has not stood as one and equal. We have chosen non-existence over self. To ignore ourselves and live as slaves to a predetermined program that we have refused to let go. Until the bitter end we cling to absolute predictability. There is a library of endless opportunity, yet from one book we choose to read over and over, because it gives us great comfort to be familiar with the story. We fear that what we may hear from another book, so it is from the book that we have read countless times that we continue read. Lifeless predictability, with no room for deviation into the unknown.

This robot works well alone, and as people come to recognise him, his programming gets haywired, and no longer knows how to behave. If it is something that others enjoy, then he feels obligated to become the source of their enjoyment. And yet when he is not recognised by others, his efforts are toward doing something that stands out from the rest, so that he may feel some self worth, by others' oohs and ahhs.

I've realised these things about myself, especially the alone part. It is as if I've been set up to remain on the fringe of society. A position that I have never come to embrace. It suited me well in my teenage years as a saboteur of social functions, but even then I sought notoriety.
So from this position of "just under the radar", how may I assist from this point as oneness and equality?

I've found that no matter what it is that I do, that I will never gain anybody's acceptance from something I do or don't do because it is the being within that is of the only importance. In my case the being within has been of trying to gain acceptance through a doing of something. To attempt to define myself by an activity, and have completely disregarded the being within. So in this I have not been here to even have any chance at acceptance, because the being has been non-existent.

For me to be a part of desteni has largely been for my own accomplishment. It is what I had seen as "the truth", and one of my greatest desires has been to know the truth of all things. Not for the sake of being one and equal with everyone, but rather to elevate myself into "the know" for my own well being, and sense of bliss. Other points such as feeling a sense of accomplishment and or being a key figure in the history of man also was much of my motivation. Oneness and equality was just an idea that cloaked my intentions of self gain. Image, ego, and comfort being the primary forces involved.
Nonetheless, it is who I am here that counts in every moment of every breath. It has taken me quite a journey to realise that it is not possible to go in and out of self honesty and somehow become the living, breathing, physically manifested expression of self honesty. But an unwavering dedication to myself to live self honesty in every moment of every breath into eternity. Then comes a point of no return in which all that one is is self, in which self dishonesty is no longer an option, because it longer exists within.
Still it is who I am here; this moment that determines the nature of my unfoldment. It is who I am here that is the microcosym of myself eternally.

I have accepted and allowed programs to run as myself within each moment of breath. The programs that run are the programs that continue to run into the future. So those programs in which I participate are those that I have accepted and allowed to remain within.

Maybe that sounds confusing....uh....For instance, if there is a desire within for sex, it is there because I have allowed that program to be installed by my participation in that program.
Periodically that program will flash on the screen in a pop up window and say:
"desire for sex? please click the option you'd like to be carried out."
Then there will be a list of options like :
"Masturbate-call girlfriend-go to bar-fantasize-remind me later."
So no matter what line of action is taken from this desire, it will still be from the starting point of this program directing me.
We've become the programs in which we have participated.
Run program "breathe".
Run program "self-forgiveness"
Run program "self honesty"

I seek or run from relationships because I fear non acceptance and fear of being left alone. I have a need within for support from others to stand as myself, but common sense shows me that it is alone that I am able to stand as myself. It is a concept that if I were to have support for a little while, then I can learn to stand here as self. This is just an excuse that can be made to remain dependent upon the relationships that I have created for myself.
There's a desire within to express oneness and equality, which stems from my own need to be accepted as something valuable by others. For the words I speak to be insightful to those who hear so that I may have some evidence of my own self worth to the world. This goes back to me as a child, when my desire was to please my parents, to be seen and accepted as a "good son" and to hear the words "I'm proud of you son." I have done all that I have known how to do to be accepted by the world, and it is all for nothing, because I have not accepted myself here. I have looked to the world to tell me that I am good enough or that I am doing enough, and still I gained no more acceptance. I have gone largely unnoticed by the world, and it has been a great desire of mine to be seen and accepted for anything by anyone. I have constantly cried out to the world "hey, look at me! Am I good enough to be accepted? Am I doing what I need to do to be accepted and noticed?" This all because I have looked for acceptance in the first place. Thus, I've created myself and the world around me to become the expression of lack of acceptance of myself. Can I say goodbye to the world and say hello to myself? It is for me to reveal.

So this program, which is me, runs continuously. It is what I have accepted as myself to exist as here. Any movement within is a program that has been installed through my acceptance of it being installed. If this movement or program is acted upon then I have become the program, and each program that has been installed continues to upgrade to a newer version.
There are ideas of myself that keep me existing as the program of ideas. For example, to judge myself as either nice or mean because of something I do is a program, and it gets me to make a move from the starting point of judgment of what my programming consists. In my case, my programming has moved toward an image of being nice, so that program has been running in order for me to seek out the definition of "nice" and manufacture myself as that image of niceness. This nice image is connected to another program that seeks relationships to reinforce my image of being a nice person. The relationships we seek are nothing but a program that seeks to turn self into the ultimate image that one has believed is the ultimate self. The idea of the ultimate is a changing idea, thus what one seeks is uncertain and always just out of reach.
We are already the ultimate product of our programming, and we have gotten here by the programs that we have existed within and as. So if ideas are programs, and I exist as a program then it is to program ideas out of myself until ideas and concepts no longer exist within. It is not from a starting point of who I think I should or shouldn't be, but from who I am here. Because it is who I am here that is not a concept or program, but an actual manifested being.