Monday, April 6, 2009

There is a balancing I act that I have played within my mind. At any given moment, in the presence of people, I have been concerned with how my actions will make other people feel and what will they think of me. So accordingly, I have acted in a way that I have judged would be pleasant for another in my presence. I have limited myself to certain accepted, tried and true safety net of possibilities.

I have believed that it is my duty to make others feel comfortable. What I have not realized and practiced is that it is not my responsibility how another chooses to feel or behave. But it is only my responsibility to be honest with myself. I have become so engulfed in this lifestyle of compromise, that I am barely aware that I even engage in this limited and self-suppressed existence.

This moment here is the moment that is me. It has been difficult to remain here, because I have had an idea of some sort of end result or achievement that I will reach. But this is the crux of the issue. Because if I practice trying to become something, then I have already missed who I am in this moment, and furthermore I become more adept at 'trying to become'. It is here, this very moment that I am who I am and I practice being me HERE. Funny though, that it actually does not take any effort or energy to be me. I is here. Any effort or energy is an indication that there is a mind involved that attempts to become what I am already.

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