I have apparently isolated myself from the world, because i have believed that that is what I required to stand up for myself. It is a lonely existence because in this I have separated myself from existence, and by being isolated, I am rather ineffective in this world. I have realized that that was just another way that I was screwing myself.

I am fed up with this existence as an isolated being, living out this existence in the compartments of mind. It is unknown to me whether or not I have had enough of this to finally stand, because I have made statements before, that I have been fed up, only to abandon myself to the whims of my mind. There is pain within me that I have manifested in my isolation, in my heart region. Alowly sining feeling of despair, because I have yet to trust in me, and have placed my trust in searching out desires and an unwillingness to give up my perceived idea of pleasant experiences.

I have believed that I was full of answers, only to find out that all I have known has been a trap for me not to stand. To be so full of answers outside myself is sickening. This full of knowledge with no action has gotten me nothing but more pain and suffering.

I have feared taking action, because I have feared relationships, and in so doing I have created a relationship with the world that is not a pleasant experience. The relationships that I have created are that of pushing people away to let me be as I wish to be. This has worked tremendously well. Better than I had foreseen. I do not wish to play this game anymore, because I am the recipient of my own abuse.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to create a threatening persona in order to protect myself from attack.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I have abused myself by separating myself as a separate entity, an island of and by itself exclusively.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the inner workings within abuse this world and myself equally.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to attempt to force others into treating as I have wanted to be treated.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to wish for exclusive treatment.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to share of myself without censoring that in which I allow myself to express.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to censor myself because I have feared judgment from others.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear the consequences of expressing myself unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear what I might happen if I were to just express without judging how I will be judged.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to hope for more relationships to be formed.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that although the idea of having another enslaved to me is a comforting idea, that it enslaves us all, and causes abuse to perpetuate within this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make statements like "from now on,
I will stand", and in so doing I have projected myself into the future, instead of just remaining here with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge judge judge me.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that here is here and never there.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to desire to be judged as an honest being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be seen as a great and honorable person.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to abuse me by ignoring who I am and just saying "fuck it" I will stand later after I indulge in this existence a little longer.

I forgive myslef that I have allowed myself to hide myself from all behind this mind.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to delay self-forgiveness because I ahve known that that would mean I would have to stand.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to give me to me.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to avoid contact with forum members bcause I have wanted to create a dynamic of scarcity, which in turn would apparently make me worth more.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to envy those that go to South Africa.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to have comtempt for those that are apparently forming relationships in South Africa.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to have contempt for those that do not watch my videos.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to wish to create a persona as if I do not care what people do.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to secretly wish others to encounter hardships so that they feel regret and shame.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to buy into the idea of status.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to wish that I could be someone of high regard.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to delight in the idea of me being an exclusive member of Desteni.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to express these things about myself because I have had an image to uphold.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be true to myself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fool myself by stroking my ego.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I have been feeding my ego.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear rejection because of the self-forgiveness I share.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to edit my expression because I have feared losing status.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to worry that I will be judged as a major fuck up, that is in contrast to the image I have wanted to present.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to look for approval or validation of what I am doing or saying.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to hope that people will think I am cool.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to be so hard on myself and have not allowed myself to laugh at the stupid things that I allow.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to wish to be praised.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to gauge myself on what other people say or comment on about me.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear what another will think about me, if I am to just come clean.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to wait so long to be intimate with me.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed others into become intimate with me because i have feared that I may lose a friend if I do.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to become intimate with another because I have preferred to judge them as bigger fuck ups than me.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to not wish to be a chronic poster on the forums out of fear that I may be judged as an attention whore.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to carefully monitor the possibiliies of judgment before I decide to post.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear that if I post too much, then what I post will be less likely to be read.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear that if I post too much that I will look like I am a know it all.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear calling people on their dishonesties because I will look like the bad guy.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to censor myself because I have feared getting into an argument.

There's probably lots more but that's all for now...