I don't feel like doing a blog today, so I decided to do one anyway. Still I find that I attempt to conceptualize and define self-honesty as a dead point that can be placed within a box and say that 'this' is self-honesty. It is grasping for something in which to hold onto that has some point of reference, not flowing, but dead and lifeless. It is based in fear that I will lose me, that somehow if I let go of definitions, then surely I will cease to exist. It is second guessing myself, with absolutely no self-trust present; reflecting on what I just did to monitor whether or not I was self-honest, living in the past as a concept. Self-honesty is lived, not experienced as validation. It is here as me, without a definition. It has no sum, it has no value.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and conceptualize and place a value upon self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust in myself here without trying to define and try to determine what self-honesty entails.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put my trust in the mind as something that can be relied upon.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having no reference point in which to define myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge that in which I do as either self-honest or not self-honest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wander away from here in an imaginary world within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted me as who I am here, and continued a search to find something more than me here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to police myself within the boundaries of a concept of self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can be more than who I am here.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted energy as the force that moves me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to add more knowledge in an attempt at becoming more than who I am here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that knowledge will lead me to self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the goal of self-honesty, and not realizing that self-honesty is not a dead point that can be reached.

Self-honesty is living here, not reaching outside of here to gain something. This would imply separation as myself, as something here and something there.

I stop. I remain here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can be anywhere or anything other than here as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being self-honest. This in itself is self-dishonesty, because it does not accept me here, but fears a future point that does not exist here, but only as a concept within the mind.

I just realized that defining and placing labels on oneself or others is a secondary action, in that it occurs after what is already here. Seeing a boat in the distance, and saying to self that that is a boat adds an unnecessary step. It is already seen and there is no reason to define it to oneself, because self already sees, and a definition is just baggage in which to lug around.