Saturday, May 16, 2009

Perhaps one of the the greatest deceptions of myself is the wanting to know where I am. The desire to be able to say something such as, "I am here, and I have this far to go until I get there." Which, if I look at my life, it has been the exact same chase; an attempt at defining my existence, my meaning, my purpose etc.

It is this singular concept that there must be some purpose to this existence that has created the concepts of happiness, sadness, with, without, and so on. The feeling of emptiness or need has been just the manifested concept of emptiness as myself. All because I have allowed the belief to exist within me that there is such a thing. The want to know, the need to know, the desire to not feel the pain that has manifested as myself, or the desire to hang on to a pleasant experience.

The common point in all of this is self. The illusion that I can actually be away from what is here. It has either been a clinging to a certain experience, or a longing for a different experience. I had not realized that I am here in all of it, and there is not a thing that can be done to ever change that.

It is just an illusion that I need to cling to something, or that I need to strive for something else, because in all of it, there is still only me here. I can neither be lost nor found, because I am eternally here. All searches or clinging is a ridiculous notion that I can be anything or be anywhere else but here. It is the root of all conflict, all suffering, all abuse. I do not participate in such nonsense. I is here.

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