Yesterday, I found myself searching for ways that I could permanently change, for instance, how can I change so that I no longer get angry, and I had the simplest realization. Which is to stop.
I've seen this solution before, but didn't really see that I was actively participating in the continuation of me as anger, by looking for a path that would lead me to serenity.
To step foot onto a path leading to somewhere implies that I am not yet there, and I that I will be there when certain conditions are met; sometime in the future, when I become an imagined likeness of what I believe must happen for me to achieve a desired state of being. 'Desired state of being', being the key words here. This has been a path that I have believed would take me to where I must go, but it never occurred to me that the path does not lead to where I think it does.
Whereas, stopping here, is indisputable. I stop participation in anger, here. Period. There is no guesswork or assumptions of a destination. I am here, I am either participating in anger or not. Simple.
The major fuck up has been me telling myself, "okay, I've got to stop being angry." In these words, I have unknowingly said to myself, "I have no power to stop being angry. I am a victim of the anger that consumes me. Hopefully, it will stop." It is a self-fulfilling prophecy of helplessness toward anger.
"I either allow anger or I don't." In stating this, I am saying that I am responsible for all that I allow from myself. That I direct me, instead of playing the role of a helpless victim.