Monday, December 1, 2008

I have existed as the mind, constantly watching myself from a mind's perspective; judging my every move in order to keep tabs on who I exist as. I have not realised that consulting the mind to explain to me who I am is but a reflection of who I actually am. It is a distorted view, tainted by the beliefs that I have allowed to be constructed within and as myself. From within this I create myself to be self-judgment, and self-acceptance is never realised. What has been accepted is self-judgment and what I have defined from within the mind as acceptable. I have not allowed self to participate here, because I have had no self-trust and I have not been aware that self even exists. Ideas have replaced self, and it is ideas that have been the director of my existence. "I" has not existed here. It is because the mind has been involved in every aspect of my being, and I have believed that I am exclusively the mind, and the possibilities I have allowed are all within the limitations of the mind's constructs and beliefs.

Reading Osho's words, I have realised that beautiful words are used to conceal the true nature of self. I have used the same strategy in being "nice". It is nothing but a mask of my true nature, in the same way that people display themselves to be "mean" to disguise the nature of themselves and present a tough exterior so that nobody goes past the exterior. This is all done out of fear of revealing who one really is.

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