From this point of searching out acceptance in which I have based my entire life upon, I have created myself to become the manifested expression of non-acceptance of myself. Any time I have accomplished what I had sought, I have not gotten any more acceptance than when I had started, because when I had reached a point that I had believed would finally gain the acceptance that I so desparately desired, it was still nowhere within myself. I was already the manifested expression of non-acceptance of self here. Thus any exterior acceptance still did not exist within and as myself.
This is a major point to realise. It is the origin of who I have become and is key to remaining within acceptance of who I am here. I have pursued "perfection" in every aspect of my life so that the world would apparently have no choice but to accept me as I am; and the world has accepted me as who I am, which has been as the manifested expression of non-acceptance. All because I have begun the search in the first place, which only implies that that in which I have searched out does not exist here.