Friday, July 25, 2008

Possibly a redundant theme is that I am what I am. Ideas that emerge as something greater than who exists as me, here, separate me from who I am here. If these ideas are entertained, and attempts are made at becoming this greater being. I remain a slave to this idea of some higher self, an awakened self. Truly the only awakening is when I remain here as I am in complete acceptance of who I am. Not in becoming anything...only remaining here. For how is it possible for one to ever remain as oneself by practicing and engaging in a search of some sort? It is the idea that I must somehow transcend all of my "shortcomings" that plagues me. Because I don't feel any different or have any great "truths" to communicate, I am told by my perceived self that I haven't "made it".
It is here that life is. Yet my perceived self, or the mind, moves to analyze my "level" of awareness in an attempt to remain existing. A continuous struggle is what fuels the mind. Without a struggle or conflict within, the mind cannot exist. The mind cannot be still. It is movement from who I am here, that has kept the mind existing. All attempts at understanding myself into greater detail, or trying to find some basis to explain or define myself is all the mind. To remember some golden rule or something to base my entire existence upon. It is the mind's way of becoming stable. If this stability is shaken or removed, the mind immediately seeks another point of stability. Grasping for anything in which to continue working as definitions and rationalisations. It is the mind that panics when nothing makes sense. It is the mind that believes itself to be close or far from complete understanding. This all to continue to the quest for existing. No movement equals no mind. It is remaining here that the mind cannot conceive. It is remaining here that removes the mind from existence. No longer a reflection of self exists, only self. Gaining anything can only be of the mind, as all that exists is here as self. There is no "close", only here.
The mind presents itself as me...for if I believe myself to be the mind, surely I will not destroy what I believe to be myself. So it is this partcipation in the mind's presentation of who I am as myself that has kept it existing as who I have believed myself to be. Yet this struggle is all for nought, for only I can exist infinitely here. The mind will succumb to the nature of who I am.
The mind cannot exist infinitely, as the mind is conditional to movement. To stop the mind removes it from existence, which is inevitable. Whether I choose to do it by no longer participating within and as the mind here or I continue living within and as the mind until it no longer exists and I have no choice but to face myself here. It is done either way.

So I have found myself to be existing as the mind, to find more that I can do to further my process. More self forgiveness or more than remaining here. It confuses the mind to search for nothing. To remain here makes no sense. To be here. No concept. Remaining here within each breath. It's not in diligently remaining breath, as this implies that it is somehow something that must be strived for. It is in letting go of all that one feels or thinks that he must do in order to become something or some way of being. It is in being. Being all that one is and has accepted oneself to become within self forgiveness. To face self as self within self honesty. To see oneself as all that one has believed self to be within self honesty and self forgiveness, here. It is in remaining here that one can realise self trust, as the mind dissolves into non existence, and only self remains.

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