Monday, February 16, 2009

So herein lies the "problem" as who I am. I have wanted to change myself., and in so doing it comes from a point that is related to the past. Change, according to what? Different than before? How can it possible for me to change who I am, if I am starting from a point of "who I am"? It makes no sense for me to start from a point of an idea of who I have believed myself to be and go from there. Because within that I am already declaring that I am who I used to be.

So, by making statements that I will be different next time implies that I will be different in relation to who I was. This still binds me to who I was, and I can never start from here from this point here. I direct myself here, and there is no other way. I am who I am, and I can only be who I am, because who I am already exists as who I am. I can only stop who I have been by being who I am here. to bring into consciousness who I have been only holds me here as who I have been. Thus, in this I never am aware of me here, but only who I have been, and the relationship to that being. Tied and bound to that existence because I have allowed the memory of "me" to continue as me.

Also from a future projection of me, I have already given up on who I am, and have bound myself to a condition or circumstance that I will act a certain way when that circumstance is here for me to act a certain way. From this starting point, it is obvious to see that I will never act here, but only as an idea of how I should act in a given circumstance. This is according to the knowledge I have gained from the past, as to how I should act in the future, which still binds me to the past being that I have begun my journey to not be who I have been. Still the same starting point as from who I used to be. This clinging to the past idea of who I am, based upon the past, which no longer exists, except within the ideas that I have believed myself to be, which is only based on the idea that I have held as myself, which is only an idea that I have equated with who I am here.

If I exist in this way, then I exist only as an idea, and who I am is nil, because who I really am here is unseen because all I see is what used to exist. An idea. Not a real manifested being here as who I am, but a mere concept which does not truly exist at all, except within the idea that I have believed is myself.

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