I don't 'really' want "the search" to be over. An automated drive to find out what is happening, even though there is nothing to find out. I have not been able to accept that there is nowhere but here. Even though there is an actual world here in which to interact, the pattern has been to search for everything that does not exist here.
When put it that context, its an absolutely pointless pursuit; it can never be realized, because the nature of its "existence" is that it does not exist.