Wednesday, May 18, 2011

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to do things my way. At the same time, if I am to stand it has to be for myself, as myself.
I'm realizing that desteni has been drawing the proverbial line in the sand. Either you're with us or you're not. Weeding out fence sitters. It's an incredibly difficult thing for me to face on so many levels.
But, in essence, it boils down to ego. Still hanging onto the sense of being my own person and doing things in my own way, because somehow it appears more valuable to me.
There are ways that i can do it "my way" and it also be what is best for all. Because what is real is what originates from who I am within and as each moment. So it is always, "my way," already, and I can not claim that it anyone is responsible for the "way" I am.
To stand for equality for eternally, can only be proven throughout eternity. One moment here.
Ironically, I not actually 'being controlled', I've just been allowing it, because I've been clinging to that as an excuse as to why I do not stand.
I do see, but have pretended that I don't, so that I can continue as this charade. Just plain pretending that another reality exists. The one that I pretend to be real. That who I am is who I've pretended to be, and what I believe is real.

No comments: