I've been having many excuses come up as to why SRA conflicts with writing in my blog. Because I view it as a "pain in the ass", and it reminds of work or school. It's like a running out of enthusiasm, which indicates that I had moved from a point of energy, and energy fades and is not eternally stable. I have insisted on holding 'something' together. Something that must be continually "reassured" and recalibrated, readjusted, re energized to fit the mold that I have created for myself to live up to. Striving to be "me", instead of realizing that I am already.
The search or striving to become something before one is even aware of what this being here IS within this very moment. Striving cannot last, and is an existence that fades or diminishes, and therefore not eternal.
The belief that there is "something' that must be fed or satisfied in order to remain existing. I am already existing. The question is what do I exist as HERE? Must it be fed in order to remain existing? The fear is that I will not exist unless I am searching for who I am. Yet, I am still here, existing as what it is that I am in and of participation.
If that participation is energetic, then it is temporary, and a mere judgment of what it is that I should or shouldn't be. A ridiculous notion, because the fact is that I AM what I am, and judgment is a meaningless measurement within and as eternity. Who I AM is reality. Eternity existing as itself.
At a basic level, I had decided that 'killing' is a worthwhile experience, for the experience alone. By considering my own interests above the consequences that my actions would inflict upon other beings within existence; and not realizing that I am existence, itself. 'Killing' by self-interest is my vote that existence should exist as what I am promoting existence to be. If it is self-interest, then that is the vote that is cast.
Of course there is a vote as to how existence exists within each and every moment, and that is the ONLY "real" that exists. REAL what? is the question.
Real hiding? Real searching? Real punishing? Real fearing? Real scheming? Real clinging? If it requires energy, then cannot be eternal. That's why movement within indicates that a being (in reality) is existing as a being that cannot stand the test of "time", and therefore, will one day 'not exist'.