There is a sense of "value" within. This implies inequality, and means that there is a comparison/value system program that I have allowed myself to be subject to. In that, the world is and everything that is witnessed, is only seen as an event in comparison to something else. There is no innocence, in this, because one's vision is distorted by knowledge. One's attention being focused upon exactly how one "measures up" within what ever it is that is being done.
It is a constant struggle to gain the next level of worthiness, endlessly.
The startling reality is that we all know from within, what it is that we do, and whether or not it supports self to have an equal opportunity/voice within existence. Likewise, to support equality of self, directly influences existence to recognize equality of us all.
We all know, and these are our little strongholds of power that we refuse to discard, because it is what we have seen as our own little strategic advantage over the masses. We do this...
I have a real beef with religion, especially, Christianity, and I see such obvious lies that people accept as truth. What better way to keep people blinded to what is actually happening, than to say, "I am God. Things will really, really, really turn to shit just before I come back to save everybody." ? Of course, everybody will look around and say, "yup, things are getting worse, guess that means we're all gonna be saved soon. Or at least the ones that have followed God."
It is implied that we have no power over our own destiny. That it is written, and therefore, nothing can be done to improve this shit world until God decides that we've endured enough suffering and abuse, and finally save us.
There is absolutely no responsibility within that context. The goal is to be saved, yet no one told us that that is impossible to be saved. Self MUST prove to self that self is of any substance, before self will allow self to remain existing. We co-create this existence, through our acceptance of it. Because, there exist beings that are committed to equality, eventually, all that will remain will exist as an equal expression of the whole, in that equality is the accepted reality, and inequality seems just as inconceivable as equality seems today.
We have underestimated our effect upon existence, just as God has underestimated that his creation would be equal to him. We are equivalent to that in which we create or allow. The misconception has been that our creations are less than and separate from us. Just as we have not understood that we have an enormous effect upon everything being the way that it is. Because we have all agreed upon this existence as 'just the way it is', and have not wanted to examine all the many ways that we contribute to this as an accepted reality, because most certainly it would mean that one could not possibly self-honestly continue to participate in a "what's in it for me?" agenda. Perhaps a better practice would be a "what's in it for everybody?" "agenda".
We each have a mind, which is same program runs within each of us. The seeming individuality, is nothing more than different default setting according DNA and any other data that has become part of the program, such as birth place, social status, money, etc. So depending upon the data, one being will have access to resources, while another will not. Because we are obedient to the program and the unequal data therein (the mind), not surprisingly, inequality is what is expressed amongst us all.
It is not a level playing field, and has been designed that way. Those that have exclusive access, want to maintain that exclusive status, and equality does not exist within the program. It is evident within thoughts themselves. Thoughts revolve around 'value', a particular 'value' must be maintained, according to the mind. So when a certain 'value' does not equate to the perceived 'correct value', the program automatically responds by equalizing itself. This is why we find ourselves in the same situations over and over again. The "correct" value is elusive, and our search for the correct value is the core program that has not changed, only different data is plugged in, and the same program responds according to the new data. As the mind, one is limited to the structure of mind, whose core application is maintaining a definition/value of itself within this world, and therefore results in a constant stream of inequality to be distributed, because a struggle to become greater or lesser is employed within that "equalization" to achieve the 'correct value', according to one's perception of correct.
So, within that, one exists as program in a particular location. It seems as if one actually makes progress, but it is much more likely that, the scenery and location are the only thing that really changes. In reality, one just learns how to manipulate the scenery so that the program runs 'more smoothly'. Attempting to change the exterior, to suit the interior's preference. Although, it might seem as if one might be concerned with another, it is not considered that "caring" is part of the program, wherein, one does not really care about another, but only cares about following the program's instructions to "care".
If one really cared, he would investigate each and every thought and action, and the eternal consequences of what is actually being permitted to exist.
Protecting a way of life, by way of ignorance. It is an attempt at self-trickery, to justify how one is living.
I sense that I am running as a program. I experience it as having to attain completeness, so that I can finally be satisfied. Just as if I am continually updating to the latest version. Within that, I am only following instructions to fulfill a whimsical notion of what would supposedly make life more satisfying. The idea or notion that I am to begin with, unsatisfied, is at the core as to why I seek fulfillment in the first place.
There is an escapist personality that I have created as myself. Within that personality suit, I wish to remain responsible only to myself. To blaze my own trail, so to speak, or rather to challenge myself to things that I know that I can achieve, and make it real. This has given me a sense of accomplishment. But it is not really any sort of accomplishment, it is only my own obedience to a system that rewards me with a sense of accomplishment, according to how the system defines accomplishment.
It is a conglomeration of reasons that advocate why I have been doing what I have been doing. It is all so twisted and thwarted and intertwined, so it all just appears as a big tangled mess, that would take much more effort than to just allow the personality to assume directive authority.
I fear limitation, yet from that fear, is born limitation. What are some things that I fear?
1. Commitment to anything, which is tied to fear of failure. Fear of failure because I fear rejection. I fear rejection, so there is a defense mechanism that has been created. It is to remain detached, in the likely event that I will be "abandoned". There is a real fear of being let down by the world, in general. In my mind, I have been let down by many people, in many ways. So in essence, it is an attempt at eliminating the burden of hope and expectations of a relationship. Trying to disappear, so that no one has to be disappointed in each others' abuse. Because I know that we will never be able to live up to others' expectations, dropping out seems like it could be a viable solution.
While in jail, I knew that I was "protected" in that I knew that everybody knew that I was truly allowing and advocating one's best equally, and that even if we don't know individually, collectively, as a whole, we all know the truth of the other. There is a physical communication/interaction, in which reality is understood at a physical level, instantly, before it goes through a filter of a mind, and becomes merely an interpretation. We all know the truth of us all, and that is too frightening to consider as fact because it would destroy our illusory secret dwellings within the mind. It would mean that we are all exposed to each other, and that it rarely accepted as a possibility.
Also, that which is before us, because it includes everybody, seems like a "restrictive" path, in the sense that it appears to be a "straight and narrow", suppressive type of life. Although, this is not the case, it is the idea that I will no longer be able to so and so...that keeps me restricted to the system, that I have known as "me". Cycles of hyperactivity and enthusiasm coupled with a complete disinterest in existence. Because, I know that I have become a slave to the systems/personalities that I have been programmed with. So from that comes a hopelessness, and admission of self-defeat, in that I cannot maintain a "certain lifestyle", that has been born out ideas of what must be "sacrificed" or maintained.
It is almost funny that self-honesty can be seen as a sacrifice, since the only alternative is self-deception. As ridiculous as it seems, that is what we have chosen. self-deception over self-honesty because we would rather remain oblivious that we have been stabbing self in the back all along. It is all we know, and we would rather continue in our way of life, than to stop, because it is after all "who I am". How can I stop "who I am"?
This "who I am" is concerned with maintaining "who I am", and there is no realization that I am stabbing myself in the back, and if I do happen to realize that I am stabbing myself in the back, it still would not matter, because "who I am" would have no power to stop because that is apparently "who I am". Common sense would tell us that our belief/programming to stab self in the back, quite possibly, makes no sense and to stop. But within a belief system, there is a set of rules to follow, where common sense does not exist, because the belief program is running the show, and the first order is to maintain and preserve the belief that I am what I believe myself to be.
Why is it so important to believe in something? It either is or it isn't. So why such an emphasis on a belief in God in order to be saved? Belief or disbelief in God, in itself does not add or subtract to the actual existence of God. So why practice belief, if it has no effect upon reality? Belief is uncertain, because a belief may or may not be true, and no matter how irrational a belief maybe, people act according to what they believe, not what they see. We have believed that we are our beliefs. That seeing and believing are the same thing. To see a bird flying does not require one to believe that the bird can fly.
Within a belief, one has no access to reality, and belief has been substituted for reality. This way someone can live completely within a belief system in which what is taken for granted as reality, is nothing more than a fabrication. In this way, we can't even see what is going on right in front of us, because our beliefs block access to reality.
So why would God want for us to be powerless in a world of belief, where access to reality is not granted? Because God, in fact, has no power other than the power given to him, by our belief that he is almighty.